I am constantly learning more and more. More about the Lord, other people and myself. Sometimes all of the things I learn are not the things that I want to know, or even a lesson that I want to really submit to.
God has been teaching me many things through the last several months. It is amazing how some of the things I am really learning about are things I have been told from a small child. We are to forgive people. I am okay with saying, I struggle with that. There are people who I do not even know that well, who have hurt me deeply. And I find that I struggle with wanting them to hurt as well. Or more than that I want them to know how I feel and then I want them to know that they need to ask my forgiveness and the truth of it is... That is not the way life is. I have to learn to forgive outside of them. Forgiveness is not conditional upon the purpatrator, forgiveness is conditional upon the person who has been hurt. Even if they do not ask for my forgiveness I am still told to give it. I think so many times in our minds we see reconciliation as the equivilent of forgiveness and it is not. It takes two people for reconciliation, but it only takes one for forgivenss. So I pray that I continue to allow God to transform my heart to one that will listen. Even when it is difficult.
We are called to love and I have found it more difficult to love others when I hang onto the hurt in my heart. Now that I have been shown the way of the Lord I must follow. My eyes have been opened to my own sin and I can chose to either follow God and learn to forgive or to follow me and hold onto the hurt and the pain.
"You have shown me thine way Father, and now I will follow. Thank you for your ever present love, acceptance and teaching. Continue to mold me to be like you."
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